The Merry-Go-Round of Give & Take

 

 

It has become my habit to sip my morning coffee while flipping through the WhatsApp status uploads. A ritual perfected by our ancestors, but then, they did it with newspapers. While they devoured the newspaper to know what happened in their country and the world at large I enjoyed watching the Tik Tok videos, trolls and birthday videos. In fact most of the time it’s how I remember to wish people on their birthdays and anniversaries. In a way WhatsApp has taken over the duty of reminding us of our special moments from Facebook. Good Job WhatsApp!!

One morning I was in my usual routine of having my coffee with the status updates, the latest in vogue  troll caught my eye. It was a troll from the Malayalam movie Joji. My former engineering students were the first in line to upload the troll and then my B. Ed. students followed in league. They were trying to correct the common misconceptions of the public regarding the difficulty level of their respective courses. We teachers didn’t want to be left out so we too joined in the trolling.

Later that week I stumbled upon another troll by a young girl, rather a young lady of marriageable age with the same scene.  The troll was directed against the girl’s kith and kin who were pester powering her on getting a HUSBAND.

The theme of all of the trolls exhibited somewhat similar concerns and emotions. They picture the malayali rather the Indian brand of showing concern – THE MEDDLING.                 

 

                         

 

Indians are known for our warmth and hospitality. But most of the time we tend to overdo things and make everyone else’s business our business. I remember my uncle resenting how people gave him advice on matrimony and family life just because he had not entered that domain. Though he endeavored most of it like a stoic he could not do the same when it came from concerned people younger to him, by age and experience.

As a child I have witnessed this give and take happening around me in the family circles and social gatherings. The curiosity of the researcher in me arose as I thought of making it a topic worth study.

On the onset let me tell you advice, solicited or otherwise, could be on any subject under, over or in the sky. It could be on the way one should cut the vegetables, whether to use a chopping board or not, to the way you should conduct the more serious affairs of life like the career to pursue, the man or woman to marry and when, the number of kids to have and when, the place to settle down… We all know it is an endless list.

Now doing my post-doctoral on the topic I can easily figure out why my uncle could not entertain advices from people younger to him and why they ventured to offer their ideas to him in turn. Well, to my uncle, who is at the zenith of his professional life and having travelled to many places, he has seen life in comparison to the country rogue who knows nothing. But to our concerned simpleton my uncle is an unmarried nomad who does not know anything about the INDOCTRINATIONS OF DOMESTICATION!

One thing I have particularly noticed in my years of study and research is that we Indians have trouble treating people at par with ourselves. We want to either look up to somebody or look down upon him. Thus when we see somebody the first thing that flashes through our mind is, ‘should I offer him/her a piece of my mind or take some from him/her.’ One should not be fooled into believing that this whole affair is a straightforward case where YOU EITHER GIVE ADVICE OR TAKE IT!!!

But in reality there is more to its credit than one may think. I have invested much of my research observing and analyzing the art of giving and taking advice. First of all we have two clans of people out there – the Givers and the Takers.

First let us analyze the modus operandi of the Givers. As we might know young children are the easiest and most common takers of advice. The little protests they might exhibit on the way can be easily put out with a raised voice or public support you might easily get from other adults or even other children around. As for the ones who give them the most coveted advice, it  could be anyone elder than the specimen in question.

But when it comes to giving advice to grown-ups The Giver has to be very cautious. You might enter in to trouble if the receiver weighs himself/herself as a person of importance than you or if he/ she considers himself/herself as an expert in the particular field. For instance, let us say someone considers herself a great cook and a homemaker, she may not take the thoughtful dissemination of knowledge on the art of washing tea cups mercifully. The well-intended suggestion to prop up empty cartons of Surf Excel in the bathroom as waste bins may also not go down well with her either.

The quick thinking researcher in me can offer a solution here. Instead of advising the grown-ups, the Givers should aim for their children. Young minds are generally positive towards meddlers and meddling. So your success rates will be better with them. There is also the additional advantage of letting your advice reach the intended ears through the juveniles.

One of the most commonly targeted species is those unfortunate beings who are blessed by Hebe, the Goddess of Youth. The men without a beer belly, some greys or the classic matured look of an Indian man and women without a rounded figure are in for long conducted tours on the ways of managing their life. A trim figure and sanguine disposition are like the welcoming receptionists occupying the front desk of a star hotel when it comes to the merry-go-round of give and take. Thus someone who may not have been to a beach might give sailing lessons to a helmsman.

Age is another criteria determining whether you qualify as a Giver or a Taker. As children we might all have given or received advice to our cousins who might be younger or elder to us by months. Imagine a 60 year old advising a 59 year old simply because he has celebrated his ‘shashtipoorthi’ a few months ago.

Pitched in contrast to the coven of advice givers we have the other klatch - the advice seekers. One species belonging to this genus are the ones who ask for advice not because of any need to be directed but to give others a sense of importance. They act as damsels in distress who need rescuing. They seldom follow another’s directions or suggestions. But a distant cousin belonging to the same genus are the descendants of the father and son duo featured in Aesop’s Fables who journeyed to the market for selling their donkey.

As part of my extensive research I had encountered one particular video of Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev where he elaborated on the fact that no animal has given tutorials on motherhood and that it’s a natural thing and so nature will equip one towards it. Watching the video I was enlightened and I agreed one hundred percent with him. I myself had been on the receiving end both the times I embraced motherhood. Truly, young and new mothers are always easy targets for the coveted advisors.

 I was finally at the final chapter of my thesis and was about to wrap up my life long research with the conclusion that we, humans need to go back to nature and learn from her. We should STOP MEDDLING.... But then it happened!!!

During the holidays while visiting her grandmother, who happens to keep many farm creatures in her yard, my daughter has taken it to herself the job of being the care taker of the hens. One day she made a queer observation. Annie, the mother hen is constantly training her daughter, Guddu, the new mom, on how to take care of her chicks. In fact while the eggs were kept for hatching Annie used to sit on them for her daughter Guddu. It seemed to her that the teaching never ends and now Guddu is fed up of these advice and has ended up being a ‘don’t care-ish mother’ leaving her chicks entirely under the custody of grandma Annie. My hen whisperer daughter tells me that Guddu told Annie: “If you know so much about child care why don’t you do it yourself. I am fed up of your unsolicited advices and frequent meddling.”

 I am sure if my eight year old daughter happened to hear Sadhguru speak on motherhood and child rearing she will have a different opinion to offer… As for me, my research ended up inconclusive. So I invite all my fellow scholars and researchers to propose their alternate theories and enlighten humanity.